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ACT I
The second floor parlor of the
 MOLINEAUX residence serving also as
 Dr. MOLINEAUX 's office and waiting room .
Five doors and a window .
 Down right , the Doctor ' s examination room.
Right ,in a small alcove ,the window .
Up right, MOLINEAUX ' s bedroom .
Up Center, double doors leading to a main hall .
Up left, a door leading to a
back stairway and servant's quarters.
Down left, YVONNE' s bedroom .
Stage right : a bookcase , standing medicine cabinet ,
desk and several side chairs .
Stage left, a chaise .

ETIENNE
enters up center and begins to listlessly straighten up the room .


MARIE
A moment later MARIE enters from up left.
Bon jour, ETIENNE.

ETIENNE
Bon jour, MARIE. Did you sleep well without me,
ma petite?

MARIE
I always sleep well and I always sleep without you, ETIENNE.

ETIENNE
I know. It is my tragedy.
(Yawning)
Mon Dieu, I'm tired.

MARIE
But you just got up.

ETIENNE
It's a proven medical fact that one is always the most tired at the moment one wakes.

MARIE
A proven medical fact?

ETIENNE
You could look it up in the Doctor's books here.
(She laughs .)
The only logical solution is-towait to go to bed until you are ready to get up . I'm going to try that next .
 (A bell sounds)

MARIE
That's Madame. She'll want her coffee now. You should wake Doctor MOLINEAUX.

ETIENNE
Very strange, don't you think, MARIE ? Separate bedrooms after only two years of marriage?

MARIE
It's not our concern, ETIENNE.


 

 

2.

ETIENNE
What do you think is going on ?
 Separate bedrooms ?
She's still young and beautifiil .
 He's not so young and not at all beautifiil , but...
I'll get Madame ' s coffee. You wake Monsieur .

 MARIE
(exits)

ETIENNE
(Knocking) Monsieur? Monsieur MOLINEAUX?
Bon jour, M. Le Docteur , I'm coming in.


(Exiting. MARIE re- enters with coffee.)


ETIENNE
(enters )
 Mon Dieu What?

ETIENNE
He's not there.

MARIE
Not there?


ETIENNE
Not there . The bed ' s still made .
Night clothes folded neatly at the foot just as I left them last night.

MARIE
And Madame in the other room , sleeping soundly , thinking he is too .
Oh....ETIENNE Oh....

MARIE/ETIENNE
OHH Hi...


YVONNE
(Entering )
Bon jour ETIENNE, Bon jour MARIE.

MARIE /ETIENNE
Bon jour , Madame.

YVONNE
My husband is up?
 

 

 

3.


ETIENNE
Yes, of course not. No.

YVONNE
What do you mean "Yes, of course not. No."

ETIENNE
I mean yes of course not no he's not up ... yet.

YVONNE
Not up yet ? What 's the matter?

ETIENNE
Matter ? Nothing ' s the matter. Don't go in there!

YVONNE
And why not?

ETIENNE
He's sick.

YVONNE
My husband is sick?

ETIENNE
Yes. But when I say "sick," I don 't mean "sick" like
other people mean "sick " I mean "sick"
like, "what a pig" That room .
is a disgusting mess. You know men.
I can't have you in there
before I clean it up. Maybe so



YVONNE
Oh, get out of myway, ETIENNE.
 Hercule ? Hercule , darling ?
(Exits.)

ETIENNE
I tried MARIE.
I did everything a gentleman ' s gentleman could do for a gentleman . And he ' s going to kill me. Unless she kills him first - that ' s my only hope.



YVONNE
(Entering .)
The bed ' s perfectly made .
 His night clothes are folded neatly at the foot .
He didn't come home last night did he, ETIENNE

 

 

 

4


ETIENNE
I can explain it all, Madame.

YVONNE
So can I. He's cheating on me!

ETIENNE
Madame! No! Maybe he was run down by a carriage and knocked unconscious or severed in two by a locomotive.

YVONNE 
Don't try to cheer me up, ETIENNE.
Everything makes sense now.
My mother warned me about this! !
(Exits)
 

MARIE
(With a look of utter disdain towards ETIENNE)
P-tew!

ETIENNE
What did I do? What?

MARIE
Men! P-tew!
(She exits)

(Knocking.)
ETIENNE
What? What?  What' s that ? Who's there?

MOLINEAUX
(Off )
Open up.

ETIENNE
Who's there?

MOLINEAUX
Me.

ETIENNE
Who?

MOLINEAUX
Me. MOLINEAUX , you idiot.
 

 

 

 

5.


ETIENNE
Where are you?

MOLINEAUX
The window ! Quickly. I can ' t hold on much longer.

ETIENNE
opens the window.
A truly bedraggled MOLINEAUX climbs in.

ETIENNE
Dr. MOLINEAUX ... You look as if you slept in the rain on a park bench.

MOLINEAUX
I did sleep in the rain on a p ark bench .
Where' s my wife?

ETIENNE
In there.

MOLINEAUX
Does she know?

ETIENNE
No.

MOLINEAUX
Thank God!

ETIENNE
Well, what I really mean is "yes."

MOLINEAUX
What! Then why did you say "no?-

ETIENNE
I live to please . It's a failing

MOLINEAUX
Mon Dieu ! She is going to...It's all ...
My life isn't worth ... Mon Dieu.

ETIENNE
Oh, Monsieur ,
if you would take some good advice from a friend...
 

 

 

 

6.


MOLINEAUX
What friend?

ETIENNE
Me.

MOLINEAUX
Don't be ridiculous . Oh, my God what a night .
I swear to heaven if I ever go back to
 the Moulin Rouge;
 if I ever even think of going back to
the Moulin Rouge ;
 ETIENNE , if I ever look like I'm thinking of going anywhere near the Moulin Rouge...

ETIENNE
You went to the Moulin Rouge?

MOLINEAUX
No! Never heard of the place .
Mind your own business.

ETIENNE
Ah, I understand , Monsieur . Not a word .
You can count on me. They could pull out my fingernails , torture me with hot coals before I' d tell anyone you were out all night and reveling with loose women at the Moulin Rouge.

YVONNE
(Entering )
The Moulin Rouge!?

MOLINEAUX
Yes, you heard him.
And you'd better hear my answer ETIENNE.
No matter how pasty and disgusting your appearance , make - up n'rouge is not the solution . I forbid it as both your employer and your physician ! Be a man , ETIENNE.
( ETIENNE exits )
Ah ... good morning , my dear...
YVONNE
AH HAH! ... So here you are!

MOLINEAUX
Yes, of course , here I am .
Where else could I possibly be ?
 You're up bright and early . Did you sleep well?

YVONNE
Of course . And you?
 

 

 

7.


MOLINEAUX
Me? Oh , you know.

YVONNE
And where did you spend the night?

MOLINEAUX
What?

YVONNE
And-where -did-you-spend-the - might ! ?

MOLINEAUX
Oh. Where did I spend the night ?
( Wanting to tell the truth .)
YVONNE, darling I ... I ...
(But unable to do so)
I'm sure I told you.
Yes , about a quarter to four yesterday afternoon.
Don't you remember? I said I was going to spend the night with ... M. BASSINET . He's very, very ill. You remember my patient , BASSINET?

YVONNE
who?

MOLINEAUX
BASSINET . My patient BASSINET .
The one who talksth like thisth.

YVONNE
Oh! M. Bathinet.

MOLINEAUX
Right . M. BASSINET . Poor man . It's very sad really
I sat with him the whole night .
An injection every hour .
Sometimes every half hour to relieve the agony.
YVONNE
(Softening .)
You sat up with him the whole night.

MOLINEAUX
It's nothing It's only my sworn duty as a physician.

YVONNE
Is it only your sworn duty as a physician to sit up with him all night IN THE BLACK TIE!?

 

 

 

8.


MOLINEAUX
Black tie? Yes .
Black tie! I'm going to explain that to you .
BASSINET is so sick , so close to the edge of eternity that I have to hide the situation from him . The least emotional shock and, whoops he's a goner . So, I wore black tie so , so, so , so that BASSINET would think we were having a party in his honor and there was no need for him to worry and get that emotional shock which could easily send him over the edge of eternity as I said , whoops ... So. I said I would explain it and, you see, indeed , I have explained it.

YVONNE
What is M. BASSINET ' s disease ?
I thought you had referred him to someone for his speech impediment?


MOLINEAUX
I did . And he does have a speech impediment but that ' s just the symptom of the larger disease.
A very rare ... lymphatic disorder.
So rare you wouldn't even find it in the text books.

YVONNE
Oh ... will you have to sit up with him again tonight?

MOLINEAUX
Absolutely not.
I am never repeating a night like last night ever again . Never.

YVONNE
But if he ' s so ill ? Your oath as a physician after all?

MOLINEAUX
Ah. Well, sadly, my dear, BASSINET won't make it through the morning There' s nothing more I can do for him. M ay he rest in peace.

YVONNE
Poor M. BASSINET.

MOLINEAUX
Ah yes, poor M. BASSINET.

ETIENNE
(Enters)
M. BASSINET.

BASSINET
(Entering .)
Good Morning Doctor !

ETIENNE
 (exits)

 

 
 

9.


MOLINEAUX
BASSINET ! Good God ! BASSINET !
BASSINET, sit down .
Be quiet . Don't speak . You're sick.

BASSINET
Me? Thick? Not a day in my life.

YVONNE
Not a day in your life, M. BASSINET? Well!

MOLINEAUX
Sit down , BASSINET!

BASSINET
Thit down?

MOLINEAUX
Yes, thit down .
 ( To YVONNE.)
Insidious this disease . Quite contagious.
The poor man .
BASSINET, I told you to sit down.

BASSINET
But I feel fine.

MOLINEAUX
I'm the doctor here,
I ' ll tell you when you're feeling fine.

BASSINET
Whath the matter with me?

MOLINEAUX
We'll get to that . I need to take your temperature . Put that in your mouth...

BASSINET
No.

MOLINEAUX
Put that in your mouth...

BASSINET
No.

Molinecux stomps on BASSINET 's foot...

 
 

 

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